Talking to oneself can be very powerful – It is a way of introducing ourselves to the thoughts going in our mind which needs to be taken care of as it greatly affects our self esteem and choices.
Have you ever been caught talking to yourself? Do you feel ashamed of it? Is the idea of SELF TALK a sign of being insane? Just because people claim that talking alone is the sign of abnormality you start to doubt yourself. Am I really normal? Let me tell you that you are perfectly normal; there is no need to be ashamed of yourself. In fact you must be gratifying because you are fortunate enough to communicate with yourself, meet you, have the ability to listen to yourself and understand your inner self. You are feeding yourself with the food of self love and attention which is the prime need of your healthy mind and healthy you.
Sometimes the inner us is deprived of listening to, yearning to be heard of and the only person who can hear (ourselves) out without judging is us. Notice the chatter. Is it positive or negative? Does it make you feel good or otherwise? Because whatever your thoughts are it sends energy to you and to the people who are sensitive to it can pick up the vibe being transmitted.
We come up with many thoughts, can be positive or negative; it not only affects us emotionally but physical self. In turn it impacts our surroundings and the world. Our mood depends on it hence our action and reaction which is crucial. Followed the energy extends to impact the surroundings and the world. If we want to feel better we have to feed our brain with positive thoughts. Usually negative thoughts aren’t even true. So why to get worried as if there is something bullying us consistently beating us up to believe it, resulting in the loss of mental peace. Eventually we face the loss and no one else, not even the person who was the source to it and we followed. What we need to do is take a stance against this inner bully, shut it up, give yourself a big hug and start to love yourself. Be gentle with yourself and this can easily be commenced with loving thoughts. We need to be kind to ourselves. And the first step to it is self interaction. Recognize your limitations, acknowledge it. Without you accepting the matter it’s not possible to work through it.
This is a part of healthy life. Just as the way eating right is beneficial for our health, doing exercise is a fitness mantra for our body exactly the same way being happy and content is a way to nurture ourselves. We deserve to feel good because we matter. Our feelings matter. Thoughts can make us or break us. If there is any such notion in your head which upsets or worries you or make you restless, just tell the thought, “That’s not helpful for me.” You can even imagine a STOP sign in your head. Be aware of one thing you are powerful enough to help yourself. We can do it. Sometimes I encounter this situation and what I do is talk to myself, sort it out and make myself aware of the consequences, whatever it is. It also helps in vent oneself out and it indeed feels better. Then I reach a decision to which I have no hesitation to comply with. I am left with no doubts. Completely free of worry and satisfied.
There are many different types of negative thoughts one can have. As indicated on the website cognitivetherapyguide.org, the four main types of negative thinking are:
• All-or-Nothing Thinking. “I have to do things perfectly because anything less than perfect is a failure. I have to be perfect or I am a failure.”
• Disqualifying the Positives. “I can’t do anything right.”
• Negative Self-Labeling. “I feel like a failure. If people knew the real me, they wouldn’t like me.”
• “Something really bad is going to happen. It will be the worst-case scenario.”
Do any of the above types of thoughts sound familiar to you? Other common types of negative thinking are:
• Mind reading. “I can tell people don’t like me because of the way they act.”
• Should “People should be nice to me because I am nice to them.”
• Excessive need for approval. “Everyone has to like me and then I am happy. If someone doesn’t like me, I probably did something wrong.”
• Dwelling on pain. “If I dwell on what is not working in my life, maybe I will feel better.”
• Fatalism. “Life is hard and I am not meant to be happy. If something good happens in my life, I usually have to pay for it with something bad. I will never find a partner.”
• Insecurity. “I am good looking too. So why doesn’t she likes me? I like her she is supposed to like me too. Is there any problem with me? “
We all are victims to these thoughts at some point in our life or maybe we still experience sometime.
Negativity is contagious. Along with you it takes away the people connected to you. Our strategy is to challenge our negative self talk. Covert them to something positive. Make it productive rather than destructive.
Cognitive behavioral therapy is the treatment proven to help people with anxiety and depression feel more positively about themselves. With the CBT approach one is taught the person’s mood is directly related to his/her patterns of thought. Negative, dysfunctional thinking affects a person’s mood, sense of self, behavior, and even physical state. So if we have to change our behavior or feel better, we have to change our thoughts.
As I mentioned earlier to commence with is to recognize our thoughts. Notice what you are thinking, a conscious effort must be taken in to practice to note the negative self talk. A cue to go with is if you are feeling sad, upset, worried then you are most likely to be dealing with a thought which isn’t helpful at all. After you notice you must question yourself,” What am I thinking?” Then dwell further and get to the root of it. Try to stop or challenge it with evidence. Come up with alternatives. Usually this negativity is not even true but make sure not to leave unmonitored. So be mindful and control it before it overtakes you.
Many resources and professionals come up with the assistance of self talk and make you feel better. I encourage you to watch your self-talk and speak to yourself with kindness. As this plays an important role in being healthy you, happy you I believe it should be a part of self care regime.
Mahjabeen KHAN 